Etiquette towards Parents
Etiquette towards Parents
Ahaadith pertaining to parents:
(1) Service to parents result in increase in rizq (earnings, livelihood) and in longer life.
(2) A gaze of love and mercy cast at parents is the equivalent of an accepted Hajj.
(3) Service to parents is superior to Jihad.
(4) By rendering service to parents, one obtains the thawaab of a Hajj, Umrah and Jihad.
(5) Jannat lies under the feet of your mother.
(6) Gazing with anger at one's parents is disobedience to parents. (7) Disobedience to parents is among the kahn-ir (major) sins.
(8) He who is disobedient to parents will be disgraced. (The curse of disgrace is repeated thrice in the hadith).
(9) Abusing parents is among the major sins, even the utterance of a harsh word or a word of disrespect.
(10) Allah curses the one who displeases his parents.
(11) The one who troubles his parents will be punished here on earth (in addition to the punishment in the Aakhirah).
(12) The one who disobeys his parents and displeases them, will not enter Jannat. (He will first have to suffer his punishment before being admitted into Jannat).
(13) The Doors of Jahannum are open for the one who disobeys his parents.
14) A murderer of parents will be among the worst-punished in the akhirah.
(15) The pleasure of the parents is the pleasure of Allah and the displeasure of the parents is the displeasure of Allah.
(16) Service to parents is among the noblest acts by Allah Ta'ala.
(17) Parents are either the Jannat or the Jahannum of their children. Cultivation of their pleasure leads to Jannat while displeasing them paves the way to Jahannum.
(18) A mother's dua for her children is accepted with swiftness.
(19) Jibraeel (alayhis salaam) cursed offspring who displease their parents in their old-age.
(20) The best Door to Jannat is one's father. Either guard it or destroy it.
(21) Whoever desires increase in earnings and long life should be kind and obedient to parents. Kindness to parents secures forgiveness for sins.
(22) The calamity of disobeying parents will be experienced before death as well as after death.
(23) Neither the Fardh nor the Nafl Ibaadat is accepted of a person who is disobedient to his parents.
(24) Among the major sins, the worst is to commit shirk with Allah Ta'ala. This is followed by the sin of disobedience to parents.
The Story of Alqamah (radhiallahu anhu):
Alqamah (radhiallahu anhu) was a very pious person. He spent his time in Salaat and Saum. At the approach of death he was unable to proclaim the Kalimah Shahaadat inspite of repeated talqeen (instruction) by those present. Alqamah's wife sent a messenger to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) to inform him of Alqamah's grave condition.
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) enquired whether the parents of Alqamah were alive. He was informed that Alqamah's mother was alive. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) asked the aged mother about Alqamah. She replied:
"Alqamah is a very pious person. He passes his time in Salaat and Saum. He performs Tahajjud, but he always disobeys me for the sake of his wife. I am, therefore, displeased with him."
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"It will be best for him if you forgive him."
However, she refused. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi masallam) ordered Bilaal (radhiallahu anhu) to gather firewood and to burn Alqamah in the fire. On hearing this order, Alqamah's mother asked in consternation:
"Will my child be burnt in the fire?"
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"Yes! Compared to the punishment of Allah, our punishment is light. I take oath by Allah that as long as you remain displeased with him, neither his Salaat nor his Sadqah is accepted."
The old lady said:
"I make you and all people present witness that I have forqiven Alqamah.
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), addressing the gathering, saia:
"Go and see if the Kalimah is on the tongue of Alqamah or not."
After returning from Alqamah the people informed that he was reciting the Kalimah. Thus, he left this world with the Kalimah on his lips.
After burying Alqamah, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"The curse of Allah is on the one who causes difficulty to his mother. The curse of the angels and the curse of mankind be on him. Allah Ta'ala neither accepts his Fardh nor his Nafl Ibaadat as long as he does not repent and obeys his mother. He has to gain her pleasure as best as he can. Allah's Pleasure depends on the mother's pleasure and His Wrath is concealed in her wrath," (Ahmad, Tibrani).
Relationship With Parents:
(1) Never be disrespectful to parents. Do not say a harsh word to them.
(2) Even if parents are unjust, it is not lawful for children to ill-treat, disobey or displease them.
(3) Obey them in all lawful things. If they instruct you to do anything which is unlawful in the Shariah, then politely and with respect and apology decline. Never refuse rudely nor argue with them.
(4) When parents abuse, scold or even beat their children, they should submit to such treatment with humility. Never should they utter a word of disrespect or complaint, nor should they display on their faces any indication of disgust or anger. Bear their treatment in silence and with patience. Make dua for them.
(5) Assist them in all lawful ways even if they happen to be non-Muslims. (6) Whenever you see them, greet them.
(7) If you are living with them, take their permission before going anywhere. Inform them of your whereabouts.
(8) If you are engaged in Nafl Salaat and your parents call you, break your Salaat and answer their call even if there is no urgency or importance in their call. If you are performing Fardh Salaat and you detect urgency in their call, then break even the Fardh Safaat to answer their call.
(9) Do not call them on their names. Address them with a title of respect and honour.
(10) After their death, make Dua-e-Maghfirat for them. Pray for their forgiveness and within your means, practise virtuous deeds with the intention of the thawaab thereof being bestowed on them by Allah Ta'ala.
(11) Pay the debts af your parents.
(12) If they had made any lawful wasiyyat (bequest), fulfill it if you are by the means to do so.
(13) Be kind, respectful and helpful to the friends of your parents.
(14) When entering the private room of parents, seek their permission before entering.
(15) Always be cheerful in their presence. (16) Speak kindly and tenderly with them.
(17) When speaking to parents, keep your gaze low. Do not stare them in the face.
(18) Do not raise your voice above the voices of your parents.
(19) Be humble in their presence.
(20) When accompanying parents on a walk, do not walk in front of them nor on their right or left side. Walk slightly behind them.
(21) Even in their absence speak highly and respectfully of them.
(22) Do not give preference to the wife over them (this does not apply to the rights of the wife. Where parents instruct their son to violate or discard the obligatory rights of his wife, it will not be permissible to obey them in this case. -Translators).
(23) Always endeavour to keep them happy.
(24) Do not embark on a journey without their permission.
(25) When they question you, do not inconvenience them by delaying your reply.
(26) It is highly disrespectful to refrain from answering them.
(27) If at any time you were disrespectful to your parents, regret your action and hasten to obtain their pardon.